Losing me, losing you
by untoldwords
Summary: A short story based on Par Manum
1. Chapter 1

***Note: Somewhere in season 07. Based on Par Manum**

**Location: George Washington University Hospital**

**Time: 7.05 pm**

The continuous beep of the bed-side monitor was annoying him. In fact it was the only lively thing Mulder found in this dull and unappealing room at this odd hour. He straightened himself to make him a little bit more comfortable in the tough guest-chair by her bed.

He sighed as he reached to take her hand. He wondered whether it felt cold like now on so many times he held her hand before. He couldn't believe that they are going through this and he worried about her, how she will react and cope. He couldn't understand whether this emptiness he is experiencing is because of his own grief or whether he is worried about her.

He shook his head; still unable to find any comfort he got up and walked to the window to get some fresh air.

* * *

**Location: 2630 Hegal Place, Alexandria, Virginia**

**Time: 9.34 pm**

**5 weeks earlier**

He was surprised to hear the late knock on the door. He knew it was her, but he was not quite sure what made her come to see him at this late hour.

"Hey" He greeted her warmly as he opened the door.

"Hey" Her response was rather quick and was not no natural as if a child is hiding a big secret form a parent.

"I'm so sorry that I came at this time…but I just umm" she started a non-stop conversation but was lost for words as she went on an on… she looked at him helplessly, while he patiently listened to her with a graceful smile trying to figure out what is going on.

"Can I come in please" she asked in a low tone as she looked into his eyes.

"Yes, of course, Scully, you don't ever have to ask. You know right" He responded as she walked in. he closed the door behind him as she turned to face him.

"Is everything OK?" He asked, looking deep into her eyes. "Is there anything that I should know...I mean anything?"

She smiled at him in response; her hand reaching to cover her eyes. He knew that she does this when she is nervous or too excited. He was helpless trying to figure out what exactly it was.

"Mulder… I had my final checkup with Dr. Parenti and I got my lab results"

He noticed how her face lights up with a remarkable glow and the way her eyes get welled with tears. He smiled before she could say anything else.

"And guess what" now her voice is breaking up as she struggled to continue the last few words.

He pulled her close and wrapped her gently in his arms. He knew what it was before she could finally tell him.

"It worked right" he whispered as he kissed her forehead. She felt so warm as he embraced her tightly as he could.

"Yea…she laid out a loud cry in relief...it worked Mulder" and she cried, lost in his warm embrace. He held her until she managed to console herself.

"Come sit down" he guided her to his couch and held her hand as they sat so close to each other.

"You are the only person I have contacted on this Mulder… and I need to have some time for myself before I tell anyone else – I don't want to answer so many questions you know" She looked at him with a promising glance.

"I understand" he managed "That's fair enough"

"I'm grateful that you chose to let me know… you know…it means a lot…and its…I don't know..umm big news!"

He gazed in to her eyes; so many emotions gathered in his own which he never knew how to let her know.

She backed up, shaking her head gently. "I don't want you to worry about a thing. I mean all the big steps I have ahead. It's a lot of work. I know and I'm ready for all that." She stopped playing with her own fingers as she looked at him with an assuring smile.

"No…no…" He cupped her face in his palms. "It's not really what I meant. Their eyes met as his thumbs started to play with her cheeks, slowly finding their way to her lips.

He kissed her without having second thoughts. He took her lips gently, breathing into her as if they have all the time in the world. She let herself fall on to him as every second of his kiss was weakening her within.

That night she stayed. He was so very careful to make her feel comfortable and he even made his bed with fresh sheets.

They were too excited to sleep as they shared stories of their childhood memories. She confessed how she really hated Bill but once again was emotional as she missed Mellissa so badly even up to date.

He listened to her, his head resting between her breasts and ribs. Occasionally he would reach her belly, touching her gently as if to feel this new life forming inside her. She stroked his hair in response.

"Mulder you can't feel it yet" she assured when she saw the disappointment in his expression. He reached her, buckling her up in his arms.

"This feels amazing!" he whispered as he looked into her eyes. Finally, he felt as if he found the right words when he saw the teary glow in her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

***Note: Present Day**

** Location: George Washington University Hospital**

**Time: 7.43 pm**

He twitched in surprise as the room door opened suddenly making a cranky noise. It was a nurse with a file. He stepped close to the bedside, his hands now folded against his chest.

He watched carefully as the nurse checked her IV and then placed the file on the bedside table.

"She will wake up anytime soon…" she looked at him as if she has read his mind. He smiled in response.

"But she will still, feel a little bit drowsy" she added later.

"If her bleeding stops and she settles down well you guys can go home early morning!"

"Right. Thanks" he smiled again as he sat on the guest chair. He took her file and flipped page by page carefully.

* * *

**Location: Basement, J. Edgar Hoover Building, Washington, DC**

**Time: 7.46 am**

**2 weeks earlier**

Fox Mulder Flipped the pages of the manila file he was checking early that day. He was waiting for Scully, for her to bring his breakfast and already his stomach was trembling with hunger.

To his relief, he heard the basement door open. Sooner she arrived with two brown paper bags and a tall coffee.

"Mulder" she called his name as she placed brown paper bags and the paper cup on his desk.

"Haven't you ever thought how bad it is to ask a pregnant woman to bring you food especially when the queues are long in the morning rush hour" she asked playfully as she turned around and leaned against his desk.

He laughed in response. Now getting up from the chair as he pulled his shirt sleeves up, he walked slowly and stood in front of her.

"I thought that the old ladies at the cafe would let you skip the queue" He chuckled as he got closer to her.

"Mulder…." She exclaimed. "Have you forgotten I don't show up yet! I don't carry a signboard saying I'm pregnant!" She smiled as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Hmmm…" he hummed as he leaned towards her, resting his forehead on hers. "My bad"

"I had a feeling that I would be forgiven for this" he whispered as he pulled out a bar of Lindt from his pocket. "Would the baby approve this?" he asked playfully as he watched her eyes light up in delight.

"Oh Mulder" she jumped in joy as she grabbed the chocolate bar from his hand. "you are spoiling me!"

He smiled at her gracefully, stroking her cheeks, for the entire time he had known her this was the best time for him, to see her happy; he felt as if he is getting a tear in his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

***Note: Present Day**

**Location: George Washington University Hospital**

**Time: 8.13 pm**

He could feel her eyes flutter even though he was lost in a long trail of thoughts.

"Hey…" he smiled gently as he reached to take her hand. He pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her hand.

"Hi" she responded promptly as she looked down on him, her voice still shaky due to the effect of the sedatives.

"How are you feeling now" he asked cheerfully with a childish smile across his face.

"I'm fine Mulder…umm just a little drowsy and a lot sleepy" she smiled back at him as their eyes met. "What are you doing here? What time is it? You should be at work. I told you. I'm going to be fine" It was too late when she realized.

"Hey hey...calm down agent Scully!" he chuckled "it's way too passed office hours" he smiled as his fingers gently traced down her cheeks. She sighed, leaving out a deep breath before settling back on her pillow. She closed her eyes as she felt herself sinking deep in to the pillow.

The next few minutes dragged as he was desperately looking out for a way to initiate a conversation. She was always the difficult one to understand. She kept him guessing when it comes to her true feelings and it was no difference tonight at all. He was dying to know how she would react at her, rather their loss. He needed to assure his own self that this has not scattered her down to pieces. He slowly leaned to her side, resting his head on her side with her hand still clasped tightly in his hand. He was surprised when he felt her trembling fingers combed his hair.

It felt so much better all of a sudden; he knew that she has given him the answer to the question he so badly wanted to ask. He felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier with the warmth of her touch. It didn't take long for him to settle in to a deep sleep beside her.

* * *

**Location: George Washington University Hospital**

***10 hours earlier**

"I'm sorry…I can't find a heartbeat" the helpless whisper of the sonographer broke the peculiar silence of the room.

He couldn't manage to look in to her eyes, but in the corner of his own he saw her pulling off a strand of hair from her face. He patiently waited until the nurse helped her to wipe off the colorless substance from her bare skin and helped her to sit down on the bed.

The whole world suddenly seemed to be black and white to him and he felt lost and cold so badly.

"I want to know the options I have for a surgery immediately." Her voice was rather sharp but sounded hollow.

"Right Dr. Scully. Let me check and get back to you. Please have a seat" The nurse responded immediately as she directed them towards the waiting area of the room.

"Right thanks"

He marched slowly after her. He tried to understand what is going in her mind but all his attempts failed one after the other with the unbearable silence around them.

"Scully" he finally spoke as they reached the far end of the lobby.

"Are you sure about this? I mean we can wait and see whether something changes… I mean these scans, they can go wrong sometimes right?"

She turned to face him, with a faint smile across her face but her eyes were drenched with tears.

"Hey" He opened his arms as she walked in towards him. He hugged her small frame tightly as she broke down helplessly. He stroked her hair gently as he breathed deeply with her sighs, occasionally making a silent "Shh" as if to calm her down.

"It wouldn't make any difference Mulder – there is nothing we can do now" she whispered once she was settled enough to speak back.

"I want you to go to my place and bring my overnight bag – and tell Skinner that I will be off for a couple of days"

He nodded in response, unable to find his words.


	4. Chapter 4

**Location: George Washington University Hospital**

***10 hours earlier**

"I'm sorry…I can't find a heartbeat" the helpless whisper of the sonographer broke the peculiar silence of the room.

He couldn't manage to look in to her eyes, but in the corner of his own he saw her pulling off a strand of hair from her face. He patiently waited until the nurse helped her to wipe off the colorless substance from her bare skin and helped her to sit down on the bed.

The whole world suddenly seemed to be black and white to him and he felt lost and cold so badly.

"I want to know the options I have for surgery immediately." Her voice was rather sharp but sounded hollow.

"Right Dr. Scully. Let me check and get back to you. Please have a seat" The nurse responded immediately as she directed them towards the waiting area of the room.

"Right thanks"

He marched slowly after her. He tried to understand what is going in her mind but all his attempts failed one after the other with the unbearable silence around them.

"Scully" he finally spoke as they reached the far end of the lobby.

"Are you sure about this? I mean we can wait and see whether something changes… I mean these scans, they can go wrong sometimes right?"

She turned to face him, with a faint smile across her face but her eyes were drenched with tears.

"Hey" He opened his arms as she walked in towards him. He hugged her small frame tightly as she broke down helplessly. He stroked her hair gently as he breathed deeply with her sighs, occasionally making a silent "Shh" as if to calm her down.

"It wouldn't make any difference Mulder – there is nothing we can do now" she whispered once she was settled enough to speak back.

"I want you to go to my place and bring my overnight bag – and tell Skinner that I will be off for a couple of days"

"Right" he whispered not wanting to argue with her anymore. He trusted her more than anyone else and he believed in her decision. He held her tightly

"Dr. Scully" he let her go as the voice of the nurse broke the silence between them.

* * *

** *Note: Present Day**

**Location: George Washington University Hospital**

**Time: 11.03 pm**

He thought he heard someone calling her name as he woke up suddenly, fighting for breath. It was a relief to find out that it was just a dream, rather a flashback only.

He was exhausted and was badly in need of a shower to relax his body and soul. He needed to clean his apartment to bring her home the next day as well.


	5. Chapter 5

***Note: Present Day**

**Location: 2630 Hegal Place, Alexandria, Virginia**

**Time: 09.48 am**

"There you go…It's all yours for as long as you want!" he turned to her with a beaming smile as he kept her bag by the foot of the bed.

He watched her as she struggled for words. She looked around as her hands pulled the cuffs of her woolen sweater.

"What is it?" he spoke gently as he stepped forward to turn her around to face him. Her eyes were teary and her face was warm with emotions.

"Hey…" he pulled her closer to a tight embrace, his fingertips gently wiping away her tears as if to console her. He didn't know what really to say and this feeling of helplessness has drowned him into never-ending darkness. Soon, her silent sobs became a loud cry and he could feel her tears soaking through his t-shirt as she buried her face into the warmth of his chest.

"Dana…" he called her name softly almost in a faint whisper. "We will go through this, you and me…just you and me". He pushed her face gently to meet her eyes.

"It was my last chance Mulder…" she managed in the midst of shallow sobs. He nodded, refusing the obvious truth they have in front of them.

"Never give up on a miracle…" He kissed her forehead, the most pious gesture that depicted the sacred union they have in-between them after all these years.

She heisted for a moment before she looked into his eyes. She never believed in miracles, but then on this very moment, every cell within her wanted to believe that there will be a miracle someday.

"Right…" she nodded in acceptance as she reached to kiss this amazing man who stood in front of her. She felt as if her pain is melting away with each breath they shared.

**\- The End -**


End file.
